My first letter to you

I hope you find a new comfort from my words

I am writing this for you.

You are my younger self.

You are Tom, aged 9, a happy go lucky boy, that despite having battled numerous health challenges during the first 9 years of your life, you have the world at your feet. 

You might be trying to overcome your deafness, which has reduced your hearing to a mere 50% in both ears, but that is not going to stop you smiling. You love life right now.

Or at least you did before this morning because your world is about to be ripped apart. 

You knew after you woke up and crawled out of bed that something didn't feel right. When you started to walk down the stairs towards the lounge, you could hear crying and some strangely familiar voices but you can't quite place them yet.

Then you open the door to the lounge and a hush fills the room. You cast your eyes over the room, blinking, not quite sure to make of who is in there and why they are all crying.

Immediately in front of you is your Mom, who looks incredibly pale and has obviously not stopped crying for hours.

To the right of Mom is your sister, sobbing into the arms of your Nan. Your Uncle David is also there and he has a tear rolling down his cheek.

You look at your mom and she calls you over to her arms to give you a cuddle. You start to cry but you don't know why.

After what seems like an eternity, your mom breaks the news to you.

You have just been told that your father has died of a heart attack.

This is where your life turns upside down. This is where you really start to feel scared. This is where you just wish today had never happened. This is where you forgot how to be happy.

That day, you lost a major figure from your life and you were left to navigate life without a dominant male role model. Someone who could guide you in life, from a mans perspective. 

I am writing these letters to you, to act as the big brother you never had. The person who can reassure you about what lie's round the corner. Someone, you can trust and who sees something in you, that you cannot yet see - but you will, in the fullness of time.

You are probably wondering what to expect from these letters and it is good to wonder.

I will write to you at various points in your life, not necessarily in chronological order.

No, I will write to you when you need to heed my words the most. For you see, I will write when I feel a certain emotion and will send it to you when I know you felt the exact same way at a particular time in your life.

You see, I have a power that you do not yet posses and that power is hindsight. It is a beautiful gift to have but it is not the be all end all if you don't have it yet. Don't worry, you will get it in time. We all will.

So let me comfort you now in your time of shock and utter devastation at losing your father at such a young age.

Knowing what I know now, I can tell you that you will be okay in life. The next few weeks will be a blur and you will probably want to blank it out - it's safe to do that for the time being.

You are stronger than you realise and although you don't yet know the full gravity of it, you have  a huge support network, who will all move heaven & earth for you, to keep you safe and crucially, happy and dare I say it, allow you to live a relatively normal life.

New friends and family members will start to feature prominently in your life and you will start a new chapter, living in the West Midlands again.

I know time is precious for you, so I won't elaborate too much in this letter but your sister and your mom love you more than you know. There will be many times in your future life, where it may seem that your relationship with them is over but trust in me once again when I tell you, the storm will pass. Love fiercely and forgive quickly. 

Believe it or not, you are about to experience the best three years of your life at a new school. Your headmaster & headmistress will play a huge role in your life from now on. Appreciate them for who they are and the care they show to you and your future success.

Start believing in yourself a little more and don't forget to revisit your past successes because they will lift you up on your down days, of which you will have more than your fair share in life.

But don't worry, there is nothing that you cannot handle, even if it doesn't feel that way at the time. Remember, I've seen you do it, so I know you will get through it.

That's probably enough for today's letter, as you have a lot to process.

Remember I am always here for you and I love you very much. I give you my permission to be a little less scared of your future, so that you can put that cheeky smile back on your face.

Love from your future self.

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