Your First Battle with Bastard Weasel-Face

and the start of your journey of constant rejection

Dear Younger Tom,

They rejected you right from the word go. Bastards.

You were never going to fit in here, with all of those spoilt little rich kids who came from wealthier families, with their shiny expensive cars and endless chats about where they were off skiing this Christmas or which tropical island they decided to sail round this year.

And how did these kids seem to grasp the really confusing and difficult curriculum so much easier than you. How?

You didn’t make friends easily and there wasn’t really anyone who naturally felt like your bestie. In fact most of the kids rejected you as a friend.

The teachers weren’t much better.

Most of the teachers were okay, except one.

He was just rotten to the core and he hated you right from the start.

The feeling was mutual.

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“You can’t learn Latin in 2nd year, Selby Edge, because you missed 1st year. You’ll have to choose something else” The head of Latin boomed in his deep, gravelly voice.

“But I really want to learn the subject sir, I’ve been so excited all summer to finally get the opportunity to study it. It’s not fair that I can’t sit the syllabus, I think you should make an exception and give me opportunity to catch up on what was taught last year”

“I’m not interested in how hard you say that your going to work because you are not clever enough to sit the syllabus. End of story” He carried on with his work, without so much as a glance at you.

“But sir, that’s not entirely fair or accurate.”

You start to feel your body temperature rise as you feel the shame rush to your cheeks. It always invokes the same feelings when somebody has a go at your intellect. If only they would give you a chance to prove yourself. You know your work ethic, even if nobody else does.

He looked up from his work and fixed his unkind gaze on you and you felt the warmth of the room disappear in an instant.

“Don’t argue WITH ME BOY!” his voice getting louder and louder, “I’m the head of Latin and I decide who studies it, not you.”

“But… but… I wasn’t argu…” you started to say before the teacher hit a crescendo.

“SILENCE!” He boomed, standing up and knocking his chair over in the process.

You jumped, not expecting to see such rage from a teacher. Never before had you experienced someone shouting at you like this. You began to tremble, wishing you could just escape from this dungeon of an office.

This was nothing like primary school, where you had worked so hard to overcome your learning difficulties. You worked tirelessly with teachers in after school classes, all so that I could come to this shit hole of a school.

“I… I… I’m sorry sir… I was just trying to say that…”

“SILENCE!” he roared as he slammed his hands down on the desk… “ARE YOU DEAF BOY?”

Stunned, You just stood there open mouthed, unable to process what you had just heard.

“What, what did you just say?” blood rushing to your ears, your head starting to spin with the anger bubbling up inside of you.

How dare he say that to you. The injustice of it all.

You start to shake and you lack the ability to reason and all of a sudden you start shouting at the sorry excuse of a teacher stood in front of you.

“YOU CAN’T SAY THAT TO ME! I AM DEAF, YOU ARE BEING SO UNREASONABLE AND RUDE, JUST WAIT UNTIL I TELL EVERYONE ABOUT THIS… YOU… YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE YOUR JOB FOR THIS…”

Silence.

You realize too late that you’ve blown it and are now in deep shit with the school.

The head of Latin puts the lid back on the pen, very slowly and deliberately.

When he talks his voice is low and menacing. You shudder at his words.

“Let’s see how you fare in detention every week until Christmas term ends… you’ve never been in detention before have you boy? I wonder what your mother will have to say about that. You are a disappointment to everyone, especially your family”

Those words will stick with you for a long time, shaping your mental health for decades.

You feel sick. You feel defeated and so ashamed of yourself.

You wish you could just run away and never go to school again.

Deciding the blame lies entirely with the man who just dished out 7 weeks of detention, you don’t consider the possibility of your own thoughts and reactions.

That day, he became your sworn enemy for the rest of your time at Solihull School.

You decided to christen him with a new name.

Bastard Weasel-Face.

---

This was the start of your descent into the world of zero confidence about yourself and your abilities.

The sad thing is looking back, it was the rejection from BWF (Bastard Weasel-Face) that created the domino effect and it seriously derailed your education from then on.

What should have been the perfect opportunity to master the other subjects, suddenly became a daily torture because quite frankly, all the other lessons on the syllabus were shit.

Slowly over time, you became less and less interested in school and your attitude began to spiral into negativity and trouble making. Not a good recipe for future success.

All because of bullshit beliefs that you made up stemming from being rejected.

And you blamed BWF for all your problems at school.

Hatred of the man seared deep into your soul.

What you didn’t know at the time is that all suffering starts from within. The buck stops with you, nobody else. Not BWF. You.

What was the old adage?

When you point a finger, three fingers always point back at you…

But rest assured, in later life you learnt that lesson and you will find a way to overcome this rejection and it’s easier than you think.

It takes effort and concentration but it can be done and you can do it now.

I strongly encourage you to read my ‘Reflections’ work, where I delve into our topics of discussion within these letters in more detail.

Here, I go deeper into the subject, defining what exactly rejection is and why it is so important to overcome this particular branch of fear.

Doing so is the catalyst to your future growth, so don’t delay, read the Reflections posts now.

Until next time, stay well.

I believe in you.

Much love,

Older Tom X